Feeling guilty about vaccinating against baby-daddy's wishes

2  2014-04-05 by [deleted]

First of all I am posting this here and not in a parenting or advice subreddit because there is this huge pro-vaccine circle jerk movement on reddit and I want to get opinions from people who are on both sides of the fence not just a bunch of people telling me to get my kid all the vaccines asap. Forewarning: this is really long and ranty.

My son is 18 months old and I just got him his first two shots last week. I held off because his dad is very anti-vaccine, and very much a conspiracy theorist. We have close friends with kids who haven't vaccinated and are very against it. I am agnostic about conspiracies usually, and am on the fence about vaccines. I have actually had more people in my life try to talk me out of vaccinating rather than into it.

I was with my baby-daddy for most of the pregnancy but we split up right before the birth. He has a lot of paranoid delusions and thinks people in the government and in his personal life are plotting against him. He believes conspiracies he's read about and ones he has entirely made up on his own. He has grand delusions that he is really important and people are watching him and basing global trends on his actions. He will not agree to disagree, he will flip out or continue calmly arguing his point until the other person flips out or shuts up.

When I tried to bring up the vaccination issue recently he brushed me off. He said he's gotten cut by rusty metal and not gotten tetanus and he'd rather his son have no tetanus than inject him with just a little bit. When he's talked before about why he's against vaccines he has this Darwinian "kids who are gonna die of measles should probably just die" speech. He also likes to talk about what a strong immune system our son has. I'm not really worried about our kid dying of whooping cough either, but I don't really feel comfortable with him infecting a kid with a weaker immune system who then dies. I don't think he has done research as much as he has a strong distrust of mainstream authority and assumes if Steve Quayle and Natural News are against it then it's bad. He is totally into Steve Quayle even though he is not Christian or conservative and most of the people who read that site think people like him are gonna burn in hell with Barack Obama the anti-christ.

I am a little concerned about the aluminum and mercury content and the possibility of the side affects that are known risks. I have looked at research for both sides and it all is so fear based and makes me feel like either way I'm a bad parent. I think flu shots are a scam and that vaccinating for hep B is a good idea but shouldn't be done right after birth unless the mom could be a carrier. I wanted to get our son vaccinated for polio and tetanus, and was willing to compromise on mmr and chicken pox since he feels so strongly about it. I decided to just get him vaccinated without dad's consent or knowledge (tdap and polio). I'm feeling really guilty and worried about future shots. The doc I went to said he requires his patients get all vaccinations except flu. I really liked him overall, but I can switch if I decide to not get all the shots. He was somewhat understanding of my concerns and said if I come every 6-8 weeks and get 2 shots at a time my son will be caught up within a year. Now that he's older and has had time to build his immune system naturally, I'm less concerned with him getting both vaccine reactions and vaccine preventable diseases. Both are horrible and unlikely but scary as fuck.

I am concerned about his dad finding out. We have 50/50 custody with no official agreements. We are on good terms and I believe he is a good parent. We are both very flawed people. I don't want to tell my son to keep secrets from his dad but thats what I'm doing. I don't want to lie to him if he notices the injection mark. I feel like no matter what I do it's wrong.

TL;DR son's dad is anti-vaxxer and I'm debating vaccinating secretly against his will

89 comments

I am glad you are choosing to vaccinate, I know how uncomfortable you must feel.

  1. Remind him the MD who created this resurrection of the anti-vaccine movement has had his medical license revoked and his research is labeled a complete fraud.

http://online.wsj.com/news/articles/SB10001424052748704113504575263994195318772?mg=reno64-wsj&url=http%3A%2F%2Fonline.wsj.com%2Farticle%2FSB10001424052748704113504575263994195318772.html

I think it is hilarious how you are getting downvoted for stating facts. Anti-vaxxers are lunatics, playing with their children's lives on account of fairy tales.

Here, you fucking crazy conspiracy retards, spend ninety seconds of your lives so you can stop getting your own children killed by diseases that were supposed to be eradicated decades ago because you think there might be a 'harmful substance' in them:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RfdZTZQvuCo

Thank you, I am not rational on this issue, earlier today I was so angry at this post and comments, I had to turn the computer off and leave the house. This post, and to me quite embarrassing, to the sub as it was posted by one of our mods.

http://www.reddit.com/r/conspiracy/comments/22cjnq/fda_vaccine_insert_lists_autism_as_adverse/

Should be one of the first things you learn when you get an internet connection! Never let it get to you mentally. Here's a good way to deal with these lunatics:

http://i.imgur.com/ymd8pRm.jpg

Mostly I stay cool and brush off with sassy comments.

This topic is not some harmless political noise. It is dangerous and deadly.

I have never done that, tagging, so many here have so many names, I just respond and move on.

So how? Because I am having trouble with a couple of stalkers, seems to be the same one or two, but many names, same techniques/style. I just don't respond to the comments and move on, but they persist, it is a little creepy to continue to receive nonsensical and leading comments after saying bye, discussion over.

So how to tag?

WoW, I nearly lost this comment in the heap, and had forgotten to save it.

Thank you.

[deleted]

The concept of vaccines as a whole are good, however How few companies own the vaccination process isn't, so Not all vaccines are safe, and some don't have good stuff(chemicals, certain metals etc) in side of them that isn't supposed to be in the vaccine itself and causes deadly and damaging side effects.

I recall somewhere a nedical paper which basically admitted they dont know how adjuvants work.

hmmm I remember reading that somewhere aswell.

Which chemicals do you suppose might be harmful? Can you provide facts?

I am not fond of deception, but in a custody battle, your view is favored.

And the endorsement of vaccinations is their effectiveness for doing exactly what they are intended to do, stop early death and disability from preventable illness.

After reading the OP several times(which everyone should be doing), I sense(and see) several motives and Objectives with the post.

Some are clear as day, people just read and analysis this OP carefully there is a negative objective/reason in/for this.

there are motives behind this post.

From the wording etc etc

[deleted]

ok which vaccines doesn't your husband like?

Vaccines in general/as a whole or just Flu vaccines?

[deleted]

ok, Then you might have a way to have your kid get Shots he legitimately needs( do research, since the polio and Tetanus shots are definitely needed), and Also A way to logically Explain to your Ex Boyfriend which vaccines are good and which definitely aren't. If that makes sense.

So research the vaccines themselves and the history/what each one does/is for.

A well educated, critically thinking person can make good judgments on certain topics aslong as they understand the topic to a solid extent.

obviously.

I'm starting to think you might be related to the OP in some way.

Something seems off about the OP, But at the same time your responces etc etc are very strange.

Very strange indeed.

I think he may be op's ex ;)

hahaha that's what I was thinking!( to some extent)

like the responses are to perfect. and somewhat disturbing.

Something is very funky about the OP and this guy.

what a mix of emotions you are going threw interms of posts.

its almost as if im..... fucking with you?

well, you didn't really fuck with me as much as give me amusement.

Here's a joke for you....

Whats the difference between jam and jelly?

I can't jelly my dick in your ass.

that has nothing to do with the OP

[deleted]

Are you op's ex?

Obviously not. Had the OPs ex pondered this point -

Is it possible that vaccines are in fact not what they say they are for, but for protecting our citizenry from hidden biological warfare agents the DoD has discovered are being developed and have a potential to be deployed? Could the public be informed of that without leading us to a great and devastating war?

He might give the kid his damn shots.

Thats an interesting idea. One I have not seen expressed. I once had a strang thought. What if vaccines get pushed so hard in order to maintain vaccine creation capacity in the event of biowarfare event false flag or otherwise.

Indeed. Isn't it interesting how the thought provoking thoughts are simply not expressed.

biowarfare event false flag or otherwise.

Biowarfare flies only one flag - evil.

I think thats an insult.

To evil or to those that study biowarfare (bioweaponeers as they dub themselves) under the guise of helping people?

No the first part about thoughts not being expressed. Insult to me. Maybe I'm tired.

Oh I thought your thought was also thought provoking.... but neither your thought nor my thought is ever whats discussed in these threads that go on and on about Wakefield that, Jenny McCarthy this, Autism that, Encephalpathy this...

Maybe I'm tired.

Shills are often overworked.

Well if eithervof are ideas have any basis in reality. The autism etc is the collateral damage.

Sadly.

Ok I'be retead the whole post. You made some very serious points there and I took it very lightly. I think in retrospect that was wrong of me.

[deleted]

Wow, I just wrote you a wall of text relating my family's bad luck with vaccines and telling you not to break trust. Then I scroll down and read this. Hoo boy. You know him better than we do. Do what you think is best. Having someone continually accuse you of cheating is a danger signal.

He definitely has some issues. He accused me of cheating on him all the time, with everyone we knew, while I was pregnant. I have never cheated on anyone, but he cheated on me when we had only been dating a few weeks. He was completely convinced I was fucking my brothers (gay) boyfriend and my moms boyfriend and our fat ugly married friend even though I was with him almost all the time.

And you had his child?! SMDH Good luck to you. BTW when he accuses you of fucking someone else... that means he's fucking someone else. My theory is the gay boyfriend. Or your brother.

ok..... yeah theres definitely some undertones going on with the wording etc from this OP, this is quite the paragraph.

At the same time This guy just seems all over the place.

Now I think you brought up a good point about all that cheating, The ironic part is that He cheated while accusing you of cheating.

now that is a small scale conspiracy.

[deleted]

I don't think theres been a case yet where a child was awarded to the man who didn't want to get a vaccination.

But keep in mind, there is a non-zero percent probability that your kid comes out tarded. Considering the father... id say it might be greater than normal.

[deleted]

He will be fine, wonderful..just keep him fed and well loved.

Darwinian "kids who are gonna die of measles should probably just die" speech

It sounds like he's trying to get out of paying child support!

I am going to take a chance here, with my regular account, not a throw away. You said you wanted opinions from people on both sides of the issue, and even though I do not think that I have a side I will tell you of my experiences. My kids are not vaccinated. I never set out to not vaccinate. My parents vividly remembered whooping cough, diphtheria, and polio outbreaks, and I remember my brother getting measles when I was four. (1964) The doctor came to our house, and I can still feel the fear of the darkened room. I was given a gamma globulin injection and came down with a weak version. When my oldest was born in '94 he had had a hard time getting here so our doctor said to keep him away from others to prevent HIB, and to give his first DTAP at 2-3 months. I remember being brave but knowing it would not be fun for him. My husband was talking to him and he was so cute and laughing, and then his face crumpled and he cried. It took a session of breastfeeding before he was calm enough to put him in his car seat for the drive home. He fell asleep on the drive back, and did not wake when I put him in bed. About an hour later he screamed. It is still the most heart wrenching scream I have heard. His wail was a keening noise, his eyes were rolled back and his back arched. He could not stop to breathe. I called the doctor, and he said to meet him at the ER, where we spent several tense hours with oxygen and constant monitoring. It took a week before he was latching on properly and smiling again. What if we had had an ace of a kid and took his edge off of him by that set of shots? I will never know. His doctor told us that we should not give him further vaccines.. He wrote us a letter for his health records. Two years later and we had a second son. We waited for four months, did the DTAP with him, and this time went through keening, uncontrollable crying, followed by a severe temperature drop and hours of lethargy, and no nursing. His leg swelled up so bad his knee could not bend. My husband and I said fuck this, Never again. Our two younger sons have not had a single shot. Do I worry? You bet I do. I homeschool because, partly this issue. And I worry about people thinking I am some uneducated hick, conspiracy nut, or religious whack-job. I am not. My kids are all healthy. I want my older sons to make up their own minds about the HPV, hepatitis and meningitis vaccines, and they have discussed them with me. I sort of hope they do, but...I cannot tell you that I think it a good idea to vaccinate your son, and not tell his father. The issue is trust, not vaccines. If you have a cooperative relationship with the father, being sneaky on this, might ruin that. I want to point out that it bothers me how frequently the officially recommended schedule of vaccines have changed since I had my first son, twenty years ago. The sheer number of shots is astounding, starting almost as soon as the kid arrives, and I cannot help but think if this was such a sure thing, why all the changes? I am not on the autism band wagon, but neither am I on the rah-rah-pro all vaccine wagon, either. I am not advising one way or the other on the shots, but I am advising you to keep honesty in your relationship with your ex. If you feel strongly that you should vaccinate, maybe he should come with you to talk to the doc about it. I can tell you most kids do not have severe reactions, and it will make your life easier when it comes to school registration. It is not a law, but, boy, do they hate non vaccinated kids. Also, check out The Vaccine Adverse Event Reporting System (VAERS). If they were as safe as they say, it is a bit disconcerting at how much money has been paid out, and under very strict guidelines, too. Best of luck, and happiness to you and yours.

So your two children, whom you've probably invested into your own fear of getting shots you deem harmful (even though there is tons of evidence to the contrary), became deathly afraid of a pinprick that could have saved their lives. 'His leg swelled up so bad it couldn't bend'? Sounds like allergies, not some harmful substance designed to kill people. Did you get him tested for medicinal allergies? I bet you didn't, and blamed it straight on the vaccines.

You know what happens to a child that falls harmlessly and sees its parents worry and fuss? It starts to cry. You know what happens to the same child of whom the parents laugh and ensure it isn't a big deal? It gets up and laughs it off. This is no different.

Do a bit of research and you will know that children are removed from their parents for shit like this. Ask him if he wants the child in the hands of child services.

[deleted]

Actually you are wrong on that. As it happens though I am wondering if you have a point. I checked ops history and they made a post about depression which seemed at odds with being a parent.

And maybe someone should check your history.... oh a new account purely on vaccine propaganda.... These are the people thats monitoring the shill that made this post.

Not sure what you sre going on about. Can you explain further? I am interested.

Actually if you look at his post history and Reponses This guy is actually quite far from a Vaccine shill.

Hes just been commenting and responding a lot on this thread.

Yes but I might be a limited hangout shill.

A limited hang out shill tends to have older accounts on reddit with low activity

Yes but what about if we know that and are adjusti g methodology accordingly?

then wouldn't doing the opposite of the standard be more noticeable?

ah kk

But yeah.... something seems really off about this post.

It seems somewhat staged mixed with an alterative motive of some type.

Its easy to get paranoid though so I just don't know. I feel a bit bad actually for this woman.

agreed

Shills talking to shills responding to shill posts. how cute. Hows Raytheon guys? Working on saturday.... SUCKS

lolwut?

I'm usually the person finding/calling out shills.

Now the guys name and account life time/posts is something I usually check out very careful, And also its how people respond and have conversations aswell that I analyze.

Don't be dense shill. The poor shill that wrote this post is having a moment of uncertainty. And neither of you shills are bringing up the objections she needs to present to her husband. Who's fake anyways.

AINT NUTTING BUT SHILLIN' PARTY!

0_o

Look at my other comments responding to the OP.

Also I do legitimately hunt for shills, and I even said something is strange about the OP's thread.

But you sir are just sounding paranoid and irrational.

Also If you honestly looked threw my history, I am far from a shill.

[deleted]

Wish you all the best.

User billistix wants proof

by: /u/sh1ll

Upvotes: 12 | Downvotes: 13 | Timestamp of this thread.

Upvotes: 1 | Downvotes: 2 | Timestamp of cross-posting thread.

If this was an error, send me a message

Yes I posted that . I thought the comment was funny not for a downvite brigade. I am not a shill honestly.

[deleted]

[deleted]

[deleted]

Your baby's father didn't want the kid vaxxed. You went out and got the kid shots.

Now you're going to lie to the guy about it and one day he'll find out the truth and be decelerated that his baby's mother basically pulled a conspiracy on him.

Personally I want evidence that you're even a woman and not some conspiratard looking to stir up some bullshit so you can be the hero of their sub for a day.

Show your tits and a time stamp.

You make a somewhat convincing argument for togtfo. Nice work .

its not like /r/conspiratard hasn't pulled a operation of a similar nature before, but on a different topic or 2.

So it definitely seems abit funky.

But if its legit then man is it a can of worms.

I think though on the whole we have more to fear from calling out people shills etc than the shills themselves.

Someone just called me a shill in this thread. I was like WTF? lol I usually find actual shills etc etc.

I know whats a shill and what isn't, and try to double check on it aswell.

I mean we even have Documents of how they act and behave during discussions etc.

Lol. Yes I think they did to me too. I am awaiting a response from him for clarification.

At this point I'm just laughing.

I mean legitimate shills behave completely differently, and respond differently, and also have a different typing method.

yes they do etc etc.

We need some way to filter the wheat from the chaff.

You should have given your child a chance to develop normally, rather than pump him full of vaccines. Why would anyone assume that vaccines do no harm? They are powerful drugs. Of course they have harmful side-effects. Since they are unnecessary, why subject a baby to that kind of abuse?

Unnecessary? Preventing your child from coming down with a violent attack of measles, polio, tetanus or measles? Can you provide any facts of harmful side effects? Why are you subjective in stating that vaccinating is abuse?

EDIT: No, all you can do is downvote because I don't agree with your unfounded anti-vaccination child-killing business.

How would you feel if he got your kid tattooed against your wishes?

Yes, a tattoo, a substance which can cause allergies, swelling, terrible dermatological reactions because of bad hygiene or tattooist methods versus something that helps your child internally fend off several diseases deemed eradicated decades ago.

Tattoos have materials in them that people can be allergic to as well. At least they don't have heavy metals injected right in to the blood stream.

Also, if all these problems were eradicated; then why are we injecting baby's with crap to protect them against something? That's like wearing body armor in an area where's there's never been a recorded shooting.

Then do an allergy screening and have the vaccines adjusted, instead of straight-up denying your child the chance of safely fighting off deadly diseases.

Would you care to answer my question instead of resorting to shame language?

Alright, lets answer a question with a question:

When a goalie in soccer makes a save on a goal attempt, does he just stop goalkeeping? Do you stop playing keepy-uppy if the ball has been in the air once? The diseases are eradicated because we make the effort of keeping it so.

You only have to eradicate something once and it's gone forever. It's like trying to eat the same pizza twice. So basically we're just pumping our kids full of chemicals because we can.

Wait, wait, what? No, it's not gone forever. Where the fuck did you get the idea that it just magically vanishes once we've got it under control?

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/eradicate

Pick your words better next time.

For one so capable of reading between the lines, you sure seemed ignorant of the context there.

Context does not excuse using the wrong word.

Obviously not. Had the OPs ex pondered this point -

Is it possible that vaccines are in fact not what they say they are for, but for protecting our citizenry from hidden biological warfare agents the DoD has discovered are being developed and have a potential to be deployed? Could the public be informed of that without leading us to a great and devastating war?

He might give the kid his damn shots.

hahaha that's what I was thinking!( to some extent)

like the responses are to perfect. and somewhat disturbing.

Something is very funky about the OP and this guy.

Should be one of the first things you learn when you get an internet connection! Never let it get to you mentally. Here's a good way to deal with these lunatics:

http://i.imgur.com/ymd8pRm.jpg