Thanks for using Reddit™. Hope to do more business with you in the future!

36  2014-11-21 by [deleted]

1) Your special interest group needs to buy a "used" reddit account from the countless online forums where people are offering them or asking for them. You can get them with high karma counts, long history on the site, any variation you want.

2) Have your marketing team come up with a good title and prepare talking points for everyone in the "call center" or wherever you have your shills working from.

3) Know what time of day to make your post for the biggest exposure to whomever your target audience is. If you want to double check, just call you contact at reddit to make sure.

4) Once the campaign has been approved by your higher-ups, call your contact at reddit and schedule your post. Find out which of reddit's "posting plans" work for you.

  • a guaranteed 500 upvote "Starter Score" for better exposure = $

  • a custom algorithm for your post to guarantee "Front Page Top Ten" during your desired time slot = $$

  • the "Premium Package": guaranteed front page exposure, custom comment section algorithm to keep those pesky dissenters out of view, exclusive "High 90's Upvoted" script, and more!!! = $$$

5) Now your post is guaranteed to go viral on reddit, which will then trickle down into Facebook, Twitter, and thousands of other minor sites.

6) While your post or article is going viral, have your "call center" personnel push their talking points in the comment section. Make sure they gang-downvote anyone who tries to bring in a different perspective. Have them refer to the playbook for advice on how to distract from opposing talking-points or pesky users.

Enjoy your front-page propaganda. You have successfully brainwashed hundreds of thousands, if not millions of people with a single internet campaign. That was well worth the money, wasn't it?

Thanks for using Reddit™. Hope to do more business with you in the future!

14 comments

9  IntellisaurDinoAlien 2014-11-21

If only this were fictional.

6  MrOmegaPhi 2014-11-21

If we truly knew anything about Karma. We'd know that Zero is the perfect score.

5  JamesColesPardon 2014-11-21

Love that Antique Jetpack™.

2  AssuredlyAThrowAway 2014-11-21

Relevant.

3  AcadianAmerican 2014-11-21

We should fund an experiment that attempts to verify this.

2  sudo-tleilaxu 2014-11-21

Yeah, I'll be keeping an eye on the voting patterns for this post today.

I would love to see any person who downvotes this post the reasons why they did.

3  circleof5surecanjive 2014-11-21

Looking at the score, it seems like quite a few people have already downvoted it, almost half.

Makes you wonder who is really watching the r/new section of this subreddit.

I mean, I don't go to r/guitar if I don't play guitar and just downvote their posts.

2  sudo-tleilaxu 2014-11-21

I just want to know if people who downvote this post actually exist and can articulate their rationale for why they downvoted.

...And I do think there are more Publicity Package Posting Plans than are listed in the OP...:-}

0  buckduckallday 2014-11-21

Eveidence?

0  [deleted] 2014-11-21

Exactly what kind of evidence could I show here? Even if I had a recorded phone-call of this transaction, people like you would just raise the bar and claim it was fake.

Well I do have evidence that in almost 2 years, you have only posted to this subreddit 2 times.

Let me guess, your other comment was also a mundane or passive aggressive attempt to take away from the validity of the post.

Go back to r/cutefemalecorpses. A subreddit you seem to like a lot for some reason.

Reddit Investigator for the win!!!

4  buckduckallday 2014-11-21

Bro I simply asked if you had any evidence. Making baseless acusations without any source or evidence is what makes people think that conspiracy theorists are crazy.

-2  [deleted] 2014-11-21

If you are not willing to take the leap of faith necessary to entertain ANY conspiracy theory, then why are you on this subreddit?

If I had solid proof then it wouldn't exactly be a theory anymore, would it?

2  buckduckallday 2014-11-21

I'm not asking for proof im asking for evidence like whats the base for your claim. I accept what you said as a possibility, I was simply wondering if you had any evidence.

3  [deleted] 2014-11-21

fkhbdoicoi