Corporations really -do- follow the Ferengi Rules of Acquisition

42  2016-08-16 by 911bodysnatchers322

The 90s series Star Trek Deep Space Nine introduced the Ferengi, a ridiculously dubious clownlike, large-eared race that used their exception lobes to hear about lucrative opportunities...and then exploit them to the nth degree. Basically, they were a starfaring corporation culture. When you read the ferengi rules of acquisition, it's clear Rodenberry and others were warning us about antinational business fascism.

Ferengi Rules of Aquisition

  1. "Once you have their money, you never give it back."
  2. "The best deal is the one that makes the most profit."
  3. "Never spend more for an acquisition than you have to."
  4. "A woman wearing clothes is like a man in the kitchen."
  5. "Always exaggerate your estimates."
  6. "Never let family stand in the way of opportunity."
  7. "Always keep your ears open."
  8. "Small print leads to large risk."
  9. "Instinct, plus opportunity, equals profit."
  10. "Greed is eternal."
  11. "Even if its free, you can always buy it cheaper."
  12. "Anything worth selling is worth selling twice."
  13. "Anything worth doing is worth doing for money."
  14. "Dead men close no deals."
  15. "A deal is a deal (is a deal)...until a better one comes along."
  16. "A contract is a contract is a contract... but only between Ferengi."
  17. "A Ferengi without profit is no Ferengi at all."
  18. "Satisfaction is not guaranteed."
  19. "He who dives under the table today lives to profit tomorrow."
  20. "Never place friendship before profit."
  21. "Wise men can hear profit in the wind."
  22. "Nothing is more important than your health...except for your money."
  23. "You can't make a deal if you're dead."
  24. "There's nothing more dangerous than an honest businessman."
  25. "*What's in it for me?"
  26. "A wise man knows that confidentiality equals profit."
  27. "Never make fun of a Ferengi's mother."
  28. "Insult something he cares about."
  29. "It never hurts to suck up to the boss."
  30. "War is good for business."
  31. "Peace is good for business."
  32. "The early investor reaps the most interest."
  33. "She can touch your lobes but never your latinum."
  34. "Profit is its own reward."
  35. "Feed your greed, but not enough to choke it."
  36. "Never confuse wisdom with luck."
  37. "Expand or die."
  38. "Never trust a man wearing a better suit than your own."
  39. "The bigger the smile, the sharper the knife."
  40. "Never ask when you can take."
  41. "Never trust anybody taller than you."
  42. "Rate divided by time equals profit."
  43. "Take joy from profit, and profit from joy."
  44. "Good customers are almost as rare as latinum...treasure them."
  45. "There is no substitute for success."
  46. "Free advice is seldom cheap."
  47. "Keep your lies consistent."
  48. "The riskier the road, the greater the profit."
  49. "Work is the best therapy-at least for your employees."
  50. "Win or lose, there's always Hupyrian beetle snuff." <<< Bill Clinton's favorite rule
  51. "Ferengi are not responsible for the stupidity of other races."
  52. "Knowledge equals profit."
  53. "Home is where the heart is, but the stars are made of latinum."
  54. "Every once in a while, declare peace. It confuses the Hell out of your enemies."
  55. "If you break it, you bought it."
  56. "Beware of the Vulcan greed for knowledge."
  57. "The flimsier the product, the higher the price."
  58. "Never let the competition know what you're thinking."
  59. "Learn the customer's weaknesses, so that you can better take advantage of him."
  60. "It ain't over 'til its over."
  61. "Ask not what you can do for your profits, but what your profits can do for you."
  62. "There are many paths to profit."
  63. "Females and finances don't mix."
  64. "Expand or die." "*False Profits" (VOY episode)
  65. "Enough...is never enough."
  66. "Every man has his price."
  67. "Trust is the biggest liability of all."
  68. "Nature decays, but latinum lasts forever."
  69. "Sleep can interfere with..."
  70. "Faith moves mountains...of inventory."
  71. "There is no honor in poverty."
  72. "Dignity and an empty sack is worth the sack."
  73. "Exploitation begins at home."
  74. "Treat people in your debt like family... exploit them."
  75. "Never have sex with the boss' sister."
  76. "Always have sex with the boss."
  77. "Everything is for sale - even friendship."
  78. "Even a blind man can recognize the glow of Latinum."
  79. "You can't make a deal if you're dead."
  80. "Wives serve; brother inherit."
  81. "Only fools pay retail."
  82. "There's nothing wrong with charity... as long as it winds up in your pocket."
  83. "People love the bartender."
  84. "Sell the sizzle, not the steak."
  85. "Even in the worst of times, someone turns a profit."
  86. "Whisper your way to success."
  87. "Know your enemies... but do business with them always."
  88. "Not even dishonesty can tarnish the shine of profit."
  89. "When life hands you ungaberries, make detergent."
  90. "A Ferengi waits to bid until his opponents have exhausted themselves."
  91. "Not even dishonesty can tarnish the shine of profit."
  92. "Let others keep their reputation. You keep their money."
  93. "Hear all, trust nothing."
  94. "Never cheat a Klingon... unless you're sure you can get away with it."
  95. "Trouble comes in threes."
  96. "It's always good business to know about new customers before they walk in your door."
  97. "Location, location, location."
  98. "*A Ferengi chooses no side but his own"
  99. "The justification for profit is profit."
  100. "New customers are like razor-toothed gree worms. They can be succulent, but sometimes they bite back."
  101. "Sometimes, the only thing more dangerous than a question is an answer."
  102. "Employees are the rungs on the ladder of success, don't hesitate to step on them."
  103. "A good lie is easier to believe than the truth."
  104. "Never begin a business transaction on an empty stomach."
  105. "Never gamble with a telepath."
  106. "You can't free a fish from water."
  107. "Always know what you're buying."
  108. "Sometimes what you get free cost entirely too much."
  109. "*Possession is eleven-tenths of the law!"
  110. "Beware the man who doesn't take time for Oo-mox."
  111. "If that's what's written, then that's what's written."
  112. "Latinum lasts longer than lust."
  113. "Duck; death is tall."
  114. "You can't buy fate."
  115. "Never be afraid to mislabel a product."
  116. "Time, like latinum, is a highly limited commodity."
  117. "More is good...all is better."
  118. "A wife is [a] luxury... a smart accountant a neccessity."
  119. "When the messenger comes to appropriate your profits, kill the messenger."
  120. "A wealthy man can afford everything except a conscience."
  121. "Never let doubt interfere with your lust for Latinum."
  122. "When in doubt, lie."
  123. "Always inspect the merchandise before making a deal."
  124. "If it ain't broke, don't fix it."
  125. "Deep down, everyone's a Ferengi."
  126. "No good deed ever goes unpunished."
11 comments

The New World Order began as a way for nations to trade and avoid big disruptive wars and after a few dozen assassinations during the 60s, morphed into a corporate take over of the world economy and elimination of the idea of nations and governments.

That has included all this movement of people from one continent to another, to help erase that idea of national identity.

"A contract is a contract is a contract... but only between Ferengi."

You often find that aliens get used as a convenient way of portraying stereotypes that you could never do otherwise.

Spacejews is a trope. Lol. I always thought the ferengi were Italian space jews. One very fascinating story arc of ds9 was that quark, the shrewd, 'neutral' ferengi bartender actually grew a pair, showed his scruples and became the kind of 'good person of high moral standing' that the federation favored, deputizing him at least once into the federation. His brother became an officer also, I think maybe the first ferengi or one of the first.

The 90s series Star Trek Deep Space Nine introduced the Ferengi

Actually, The Next Generation introduced them first, in the first season, but they were "monster of the week" status, and didn't have all of this fine development until the next season.

PM me your new one...

I stand corrected. Glad there are others here who enjoyed these series as much

There's some really fantastic stuff in those series. Measure of a Man, and Data's child, Graves, and the secret about Data's mother. Great character development, while posing interesting philosophical questions that will eventually need good answers.

Both shows really had some excellent writing.

Did they actually list all of the rules in the show(s)?

It's star trek dude. Somebody went through and compiled them.

they had a single episode where all of these were sequentially mentioned when spock is interrogating the ferengi about an electric shaver he bought that didn't work

I think my source was memory alpha, but I had to massage a lot of the shitty data out of each line with regexes.