I don't want to have to spell it out for you man, but I'm genuinely starting to believe that this whole Santa thing is some conspiracy level shit engineered to make us compliant throughout the year in fear we won't receive any presents.
There, I said it. Y'all think I'm crazy now, don't you?
The information, which remains classified, came from an unnamed source, according to eighteen high-ranking officials who spoke on the condition of anonymity.
Which was then immediately written about in vox,CNN,WP,the New York Times, vice and various different news outlets in a coordinated fashion. A wiki was also promptly made using said outlets as sources.
In seriousness, how much of the Santa image was created as part of the Prussian and German authoritarian culture, and how much was cultivated by our willingness to control our children by any means?
I wonder what it does to kids when they find out that have been lied to by parents and other grown ups about Santa. Maybe society would be better off if they did not do that.
I woke up with the rustle sound of the gift wrapping. It was mom. I am now an old, bald, fat alcoholic paying child support and alimony to three ex-wives, I’m being audited, live in the basement of an elderly cat lady and I’m pretty sure there are at least two dealers looking for me. Coincidence?
Look, all I'm saying is that there's no way one man can visit that many houses, starting at 12am. Have we looked into the possibility of body doubles? If reindeer have the ability to fly, then what kind of technology is the government hiding from us?
A man that fat (remember, he gets cookies and whole milk as an offering from the children of the world) cannot possibly fit down chimneys, and not every house has a chimney? Is he coming into my house through the toilet?
Want to know where the Pentagon's missing trillions went? A sleigh capable of transporting a fat guy to every house on earth on one night ain't cheap to invent.
I mean, have you ever actually tried truly being good an entire year? For all we know Santa is real, just his expectations are so insane that no one ever gets to see him.
Hate to break it to ya fellas but Santa is nothing more than a leftist,socialist,communist fairy tale meant to make you compliant and conditioned into to receiving "gifts" from the state /s
While not required, you are requested to use the NP (No Participation) domain of reddit when crossposting. This helps to protect both your account, and the accounts of other users, from administrative shadowbans. The NP domain can be accessed by replacing the "www" in your reddit link with "np".
I don't want to have to spell it out for you man, but I'm genuinely starting to believe that this whole Santa thing is some conspiracy level shit engineered to make us compliant throughout the year in fear we won't receive any presents.
There, I said it. Y'all think I'm crazy now, don't you?
85 comments
2 Guano- 2017-12-24
His name was Yukon Cornelius.
1 jasron_sarlat 2017-12-24
Yukon really fucked that snow monster up. Threw him off a cliff then enslaved him and ripped out his teeth. Some Guantanamo level shit.
1 canitbe73 2017-12-24
What
1 h4mdroid 2017-12-24
I don't want to have to spell it out for you man, but I'm genuinely starting to believe that this whole Santa thing is some conspiracy level shit engineered to make us compliant throughout the year in fear we won't receive any presents.
There, I said it. Y'all think I'm crazy now, don't you?
1 canitbe73 2017-12-24
Big, if true.
1 Lucy-Sky-Diamondz 2017-12-24
Naw it's just Satnan's birthday like it is every year. If you leave out the cookies he eats them overnight
1 Ieuan1996 2017-12-24
Santa is an interdimensional demon. Christmas trees are a ritual summoning. The "elves" are stolen children.
1 VetGeek54321 2017-12-24
You sure HRC didn't covert him?
1 FUCK_the_Clintons__ 2017-12-24
Claps
1 Lyra_Fairview 2017-12-24
Shut up! I said shut up!
1 ogrelin 2017-12-24
He lies.
1 my_friend_mmpeter 2017-12-24
As of now, he's just bs...
1 Luvs2Spooooge 2017-12-24
That’s a pill I’m not ready to swallow
1 ScoutKnuckleball 2017-12-24
Finally. Somebody who isn't afraid to stand up and speak the truth. Watch your back, they will want to silence you now.
1 postfuturology 2017-12-24
*HO HO HNWO! *
1 Fusion7778 2017-12-24
RACIST! SEXIST!!! BIGOT!!!!!
1 ogrelin 2017-12-24
He’s Russian. Don’t worry, he’s full of shit.
1 exkreations 2017-12-24
The biggest red pill of them all...
We have actually been North Korea this entire time but are unable to recognize ourselves through the media via augmented reality.
mic drop...
1 GerkDentley 2017-12-24
Source???
1 neuraxxis 2017-12-24
The information, which remains classified, came from an unnamed source, according to eighteen high-ranking officials who spoke on the condition of anonymity.
0 JizzBomb_ 2017-12-24
Which was then immediately written about in vox,CNN,WP,the New York Times, vice and various different news outlets in a coordinated fashion. A wiki was also promptly made using said outlets as sources.
1 Deadlyaroma 2017-12-24
We have your emails Mr. Grinch
1 Weirdbhamcall 2017-12-24
Black mail! Chain letter! Jury duty!
1 Goats_throwaway 2017-12-24
In seriousness, how much of the Santa image was created as part of the Prussian and German authoritarian culture, and how much was cultivated by our willingness to control our children by any means?
1 Fucking-Usernames 2017-12-24
Nah, it was just Coca-Cola making advertising.
1 lurch350z 2017-12-24
So does this mean the eaten cookies are an inside job?
1 Mageant 2017-12-24
I wonder what it does to kids when they find out that have been lied to by parents and other grown ups about Santa. Maybe society would be better off if they did not do that.
1 Weirdbhamcall 2017-12-24
Ah bah humbug!
1 ogrelin 2017-12-24
I woke up with the rustle sound of the gift wrapping. It was mom. I am now an old, bald, fat alcoholic paying child support and alimony to three ex-wives, I’m being audited, live in the basement of an elderly cat lady and I’m pretty sure there are at least two dealers looking for me. Coincidence?
1 M2-OKK 2017-12-24
It wouldn't
1 ingy2012 2017-12-24
No way dude! How do you explain the milk and cookies gone in the morning? Checkmate.
1 RPmatrix 2017-12-24
are they "spirit cookies?"
1 ingy2012 2017-12-24
I mean Santa is an anagram for Satan...
1 allofmyjej 2017-12-24
Guys don't listen to him - obvious shill is obvious. Eyeroll
Obligatory festive "/s" cuz y'all crazy.
Merry Christmas!
1 Weirdbhamcall 2017-12-24
Look, all I'm saying is that there's no way one man can visit that many houses, starting at 12am. Have we looked into the possibility of body doubles? If reindeer have the ability to fly, then what kind of technology is the government hiding from us?
A man that fat (remember, he gets cookies and whole milk as an offering from the children of the world) cannot possibly fit down chimneys, and not every house has a chimney? Is he coming into my house through the toilet?
1 ogrelin 2017-12-24
He’s got a supersonic sled powered by magic reindeer. He also teleports down the chimney, duh!
1 jdubb198 2017-12-24
The USA government sock puppet user accounts that make up most of /r/conspiracy are not sure how to deal with this one.
Source? Has MSM reported on it?
1 digichalk 2017-12-24
it would have been really funny to have bot user accounts mistaken reply here
1 superluminal99 2017-12-24
‘Santa’ is after all an anagram for Satan..
1 thisonelives 2017-12-24
ah shit
1 elasto 2017-12-24
Santa is Satan. This is why Santa gives so much candy to kids: to get them hooked on sugar, and help them develop inflammatory diseases like diabetes.
1 thisonelives 2017-12-24
ah shit
1 Peanuttles 2017-12-24
But...but...NORAD tracks his sleigh every year!
1 ElasticDawg 2017-12-24
The Christmas Cabal is real.
1 Daxos157 2017-12-24
Watch out for OP to be suicided within the next few hours; big Santa sees you when you’re sleeping and he knows when you’re awake.
1 dagger_5005 2017-12-24
Want to know where the Pentagon's missing trillions went? A sleigh capable of transporting a fat guy to every house on earth on one night ain't cheap to invent.
1 curiousorganelle 2017-12-24
I for one refuse to question jolly old saint nick's existance. Conspiracy this has gone too far.. asking these kinds of questions.. goes too far..
1 bozobozo 2017-12-24
Milk and cookies get me nothing.
Bacon and brewery beer gets me presents.
All praise the Hogfather!
1 depleteduraniumftw 2017-12-24
https://youtu.be/3ERdpm050DI
1 isitanme 2017-12-24
Nice try, shill.
1 Gr1pp717 2017-12-24
I mean, have you ever actually tried truly being good an entire year? For all we know Santa is real, just his expectations are so insane that no one ever gets to see him.
1 zeropoint357 2017-12-24
Horseshit. Santa lives at the South Pole though. With Hitler.
1 localhost_not_found 2017-12-24
You can that living?
1 StefanYellowCurry 2017-12-24
y tho
1 PoisonerKA 2017-12-24
Quality shit post but you could have went next level and proved Santa was real.
1 localhost_not_found 2017-12-24
All the Big Santa shills here.
1 RPmatrix 2017-12-24
Duuuuude! and the Easter Bunny ... I think he's a plant!
1 DaleCooper_FBI 2017-12-24
https://youtu.be/00GBTiDWGCw
1 katarine- 2017-12-24
If you watch his flight pattern, it clearly proves flat Earth.
1 IAmThatIAm001 2017-12-24
Ultimate Red Pill for a parent:
Don't start their lives out by lying to them.
Gasp!
1 k0bimus 2017-12-24
When did this turn into r/shockjock?
1 gromath 2017-12-24
Bush ate the cookies
1 ixexexekal 2017-12-24
Haha, so funny.
1 thrillhor 2017-12-24
They (believers) will tell you the reason we dont have RADAR is because he flies below 500ft altitude, the maximum possible for adult reindeer.
1 zig_8 2017-12-24
Fucking shill
1 jimmyb207 2017-12-24
I called BullShit on Santa when I was in the 2nd grade....my class mates looked at me like I was the anti-Christ.
1 JizzBomb_ 2017-12-24
Hate to break it to ya fellas but Santa is nothing more than a leftist,socialist,communist fairy tale meant to make you compliant and conditioned into to receiving "gifts" from the state /s
1 IAmThatIAm001 2017-12-24
It is nice to see some lightheardedness here. Carry on.
Merry days of holiness to all.
1 flame-of-udun 2017-12-24
Santa is an inside job
1 h4mdroid 2017-12-24
santa can't melt steal beams!
1 skinschamps2000 2017-12-24
https://imgur.com/yH25jLZ
1 alwaysbecloning 2017-12-24
It's important to make your kids believe Santa is real. That way, when they discover the lie, they will have learned a priceless lesson: Trust No One.
1 zoinkface 2017-12-24
Dude I fucking knew this since I was 19.
1 EnoughNoLibsSpam 2017-12-24
this is the best comment in the thread but it gets no love.
OP was deleted
https://www.reddit.com/r/conspiracyhub/comments/7m0mhi/censored_at_rconspiracy_the_ultimate_red_pill/
1 AutoModerator 2017-12-24
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1 tormentvector 2017-12-24
Shill!
1 jasron_sarlat 2017-12-24
Then who was Mommy REALLY kissing? Hmmmmm...
1 fetchystick 2017-12-24
Just wait until next morning and you don't have presents under your tree.
1 MerchantOfSargoth 2017-12-24
A lot of North Pole shills in this thread.
1 giuseppe443 2017-12-24
go back to T_D
1 digichalk 2017-12-24
oh so just because we don't agree that the suit is crimson, we're all lumped in with T_D?
1 mohiben 2017-12-24
Fucking FINALLY!! I thought the red and white hatters had totally taken over.
1 sigithenigi 2017-12-24
Shill
1 h4mdroid 2017-12-24
I don't want to have to spell it out for you man, but I'm genuinely starting to believe that this whole Santa thing is some conspiracy level shit engineered to make us compliant throughout the year in fear we won't receive any presents.
There, I said it. Y'all think I'm crazy now, don't you?
1 Lucy-Sky-Diamondz 2017-12-24
Naw it's just Satnan's birthday like it is every year. If you leave out the cookies he eats them overnight
1 ogrelin 2017-12-24
He’s Russian. Don’t worry, he’s full of shit.